Before You Say “I Do” - Connect Group Discussion Guide

Scripture

Proverbs 13:20
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

Additional Scripture References

Proverbs 4:23
James 1:22
Galatians 5:22–23
2 Corinthians 6:14
Colossians 3:17
Amos 3:3
Galatians 6:7
Psalm 139:23

Main Idea

You become what you consistently walk with.

Relationships are not just about connection. They are about formation.
Who you are walking with is shaping who you are becoming.

And before we evaluate anyone else…
We must examine ourselves.

Becoming the right person precedes building the right relationships.

Scripture

Proverbs 4:23
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

James 1:22
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

Galatians 5:22–23 (NLT)
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”

Overview

Before we talk about who we are connected to, we have to ask a harder question.

Who am I becoming?

YOUR HEART SETS THE TONE FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

Realistically, It is easy to blame tension in relationships on the other person. It is harder to look inward. But Scripture makes it clear. Everything flows from the heart. Not some things. Everything.

Your patience.
Your anger.
Your leadership.
Your insecurity.

If the internal world is neglected, the external relationships will eventually reveal it.

Growth is not automatic. It is intentional.

WHO YOU ARE BECOMING WILL DETERMINE WHAT YOU CAN SUSTAIN.

Deeper Dive

Think about it like this. If the root system of a tree is unhealthy, the fruit will show it. ^{You cannot tape fruit onto branches and call it growth.} It has to start beneath the surface.

In the same way, you cannot demand maturity from others while resisting growth yourself. You cannot pray for unity while nurturing pride. Formation problems always show up in relationships. Always.

Paul reminds us in Galatians that the fruit of the Spirit is produced by abiding in Christ. Not by pressure. Not by pretending. By abiding.

That means love grows when we stay close to Jesus. Self-control strengthens when we surrender daily. Faithfulness becomes steady when Christ is central.

So the question is not perfection. The question is direction. Are you moving toward Christ? Or drifting toward comfort?

Question

In this season, what fruit of the Spirit is growing in you?
What fruit feels weak right now?
Where do you need intentional growth instead of passive drift?

Equally Yoked is about Shared Direction Not Shared Interest

Scripture

2 Corinthians 6:14
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

Colossians 3:17
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Amos 3:3
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

Overview

When Paul used the word “yoked,” his audience saw a picture immediately.

Two animals connected by a wooden beam. Pulling together. Toward the same field. The same destination.

The power was not just in their strength. It was in their alignment.

Being equally yoked is not about hobbies. It is not about personality. It is about lordship. Who has final authority in your life?

MISALIGNMENT DOES NOT JUST CREATE TENSION. IT CREATES DRIFT.

Deeper Dive

You can enjoy the same music. The same humor. The same lifestyle preferences. And still be spiritually misaligned.

That is what makes this subtle. Drift rarely feels dramatic. It feels gradual.

An unequally yoked relationship rarely collapses overnight. It erodes slowly. Conviction softens. Courage weakens. Prayer becomes less frequent. Compromise becomes easier.

Not because someone is evil. But because pulling alone is exhausting.

Eventually, people stop initiating spiritual leadership. They grow quiet about obedience. They settle.

Amos asks a powerful question. “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” Agreement is not about agreeing on everything. It is about agreeing on who has final authority.

^{Direction determines destination.}And the people you are yoked to influence where you end up.

Question

In your closest relationships, is Christ clearly central in direction?
When hard decisions come, does Scripture have weight in the room?
Where might there be subtle misalignment?

Examine Your Yokes and Choose Your Direction

Scripture

Galatians 6:7
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”

Psalm 139:23
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”

Overview

This is where it becomes personal.

Not theoretical. Not someone else’s story. Yours.

If alignment shapes direction, and direction shapes destiny, then we must examine the yokes in our lives.

Some of you feel strain right now. In marriage. In friendships. In business partnerships. Even internally.

Direction always shows up in the fruit.

CLARITY TODAY PREVENTS REGRET TOMORROW.

Deeper Dive

This is not about condemnation. It is about clarity.

Think of a boat slightly off course. At first, the difference is barely noticeable. But over miles, the destination shifts dramatically.

That is what direction does.

Galatians reminds us that sowing always leads to reaping. ^{Seeds do not lie. Over time, they reveal what was planted.}If you consistently sow misalignment, drift will grow. If you sow intentional unity and obedience, strength will grow.

You cannot control everyone’s direction. But you are responsible for yours.

So ask honestly. Where do I feel strain? What conversation have I been avoiding? What boundary needs strengthening? Where do I need to recommit to pulling toward Christ?

Ignoring strain does not remove it. It intensifies it.

Question

Where do you currently feel spiritual strain?
What step of courage is God asking you to take?
What would intentional alignment look like this month?

Call to Action

This week:

Examine: Pray Psalm 139:23 sincerely. Ask God to search your heart.
Evaluate: Evaluate your closest relationships. Are they strengthening your obedience or weakening it?
Execute: Take one courageous step.

Have the conversation.
Initiate prayer.
Set the boundary.
Recommit to spiritual leadership.

Clarity today prevents regret tomorrow.